05/06/2010

Dear Patti,
Last night my husband said in front of six couples that he thought I was sexy but not very creative at initiating sexual experiences. While I don’t care that he said this in front of our friends (we’re close and all pretty open with each other), I’m angry because 
I don’t think his comment is valid. Just because I don’t want to meet him at the door wrapped in saran wrap or have sex in the neighboring park at night doesn’t mean I’m not willing to be spontaneous and imaginative. He said he doesn’t expect anything kinky but that he’d like me to put time and effort into it. It excites him, for instance, to think of me buying stiletto heels just to please him. “It’s not the shoes that turn me on,” he said, “but the fact you’d want to surprise me.” He has never mentioned this to me before. I think our sex life is great, but I’m game to be more loving and spur-of-the moment (rather than wild) if it will make him happy. Any ideas?
—Teresa

Dear Teresa,
Many men want to know that their partner thinks he’s amazing, remarkable, unique and worthy of any effort to try to please him through heightened sensitivity and a strong sexual appetite.
 
For starters, take him out to a romantic dinner at a restaurant that’s new to both of you and within walking distance of a hotel. After you’ve paid for dinner, hand him a little wrapped present containing the key to a room you’ve already decorated with rose petals and candles and stocked with romantic CDs, wine, snacks and sex toys you think he’d enjoy.
 
If a hotel is too pricey, plan a romantic treasure hunt by calling him on his cell phone when he’s coming home and telling him to follow the instructions on the notes he’ll find waiting for him. Start with a note on the front door that declares your love and tells him to follow the trail of rose petals or paper hearts to the refrigerator. Inside, he’ll find a chilled martini or glass of wine with a few of his favorite appetizers and a note to proceed to the bathroom afterwards where he’ll find a fragrant bath already drawn, an “I love you” note written in lipstick on the mirror and a fluffy towel with another note instructing him to meet you in the bedroom after he bathes.
 
In a candlelit room with soft music, he’ll then find you waiting in new, sexy, feminine undergarments. (Make sure you’ve turned off the phone; you will NOT want to be interrupted!)
 
Occasionally entertain the polygamist side of him by surprising him with a new hairdo or fashions that are different from what you typically wear. Transform your bedroom with floor-to-ceiling mirrors or leopard sheets spritzed with libido-lifting fragrances like lavender. Have fun together exploring different sexual positions. Expand your intimacy outside the bedroom by enjoying one another in the bathtub, in a private moonlit backyard or the beanbag chair in the den.
 
Listen attentively as he talks about his work. Respond with a sexual interest which shows him that who he is and what he does is a turn-on. Send him flowers at the office. Leave love notes in his jacket or briefcase that describe your fantasies and let him know you can’t wait to be together again. Whatever romantic overtures you try, make them personal and individualized. Pay attention to the things he’s interested in and passionate about so you can keep the surprises coming. And even if you’re not willing to have sex anytime or anywhere, you can still give him a special “I want you now” look that communicates you’re sure thinking about it!