10/01/2009

Dear Patti,
Our daughter is a high school senior and has always been quiet, studious and reserved. This past summer, however, she really opened up and blossomed. It’s as if she became popular overnight and made lots of new friends (including a nice young man who treats her wonderfully). The biggest surprise, though, was when she decided to try out for the Tournament of Roses Queen and her Court. She has always admired them but we never imagined she’d ever apply.
The problem is that she became paralyzed with nervousness the day of the interview. She could barely breathe, her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, her hands were sweaty, and she forgot everything she had rehearsed. She was so embarrassed and is now worried that she’ll never make it through the next one (if selected) or, for that matter, do well on future job or college interviews.
Do you have any suggestions?
— Mr. and Mrs. Olson  

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Olson,
For the most part, it appears your daughter is doing well in coping with her newfound attention. What you’ve described sounds like a simple case of performance anxiety (also known as stage fright). This situational anxiety is triggered when someone is required to perform in front of an audience and is fearful of being criticized or disappointing others. It can occur in anticipation of a performance, as well as during the event, and makes the individual so afraid of failure that all their knowledge, concentration, experience and confidence fly out the window.

Here are some ideas that may help.
Have your daughter sit quietly and explore her worst fears. Have face her feelings connected to the thoughts of making mistakes or forgetting answers. Does she have symptoms such as knots in her stomach, a tight throat, shallow breathing, a racing heartbeat, or tense muscles? She needs to pay attention to these feelings and focus on her symptoms until they go away. Instruct her to lie back, stretch out, close her eyes and listen to you softly instructing her to count backwards from 10 to one and feel the tension slowly leaving her body with each breath as she relaxes her feet and legs, torso, arms and hands and, lastly, her neck and head.

After she is completely relaxed, she should then open her eyes and imagine herself speaking publicly. This relaxation and visualization exercise should be repeated until she has desensitized her fears and can easily picture herself giving a confident speech. Then, even under stress, she’ll be able to recall the knowledge and skills she knows she has.

Uncertainty plays a major role in creating anxiety so it’s important to be well prepared. This means practice, practice, practice! She might want to join Toastmasters and/or get individual coaching on her presentation. Yoga, meditation and self-hypnosis can further assist in reducing stress.

Performance anxiety often makes us perceive others as having imagined power. The way to counter this is to increase our own sense of power through self-acceptance and self-compassion. It’s essential that she understands that self-attacks and expressions of self-dislike are unacceptable. Confidence is about developing a healthy, supportive, and calming inner voice.  
 
Right before a stress-inducing event, she should focus on the positive, stay in the present and not allow herself to ruminate on potential disasters. When she gets nervous, have her imagine the audience smiling and applauding.

If her anxiety symptoms increase and/or get to the point of interfering with school and social interactions, she should be seen by her doctor and possibly referred to a psychotherapist trained in treating anxiety disorders.