Dear Patti,
This past weekend, while I was walking around busy Old Pasadena, I witnessed an attractive, nicely dressed woman across the street take a very bad fall on the sidewalk. The force with which she hit the ground looked really painful. It caused the packages she was carrying to scatter. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but nobody rushed over to help her or see if she was all right. Someone in a hurry even stepped over her spilled packages and kept on walking. I had my son in a stroller and was unable to reach her before she got up and continued on her way.    
I’m saddened, angry and feel let down by those people. Do they really not care about the welfare of others, or is it distrust that holds them back? I want my little boy to grow up to be the kind of man that would have stopped and helped her.
—Ellen

Dear Ellen,
Your respect for integrity and your beliefs of what a good citizen should be are qualities I admire. Would it make the world better if every mother’s son tried to follow the Golden Rule of treating others as they’d want to be treated themselves whenever they came in contact with a fellow human being? Yes. Teaching your son the value of compassion, the ability to realize when someone is suffering and the capacity to respond to their needs and feelings in sensitive ways is essential. It might be painful for you to observe him exposed to the apathy you described, but part of good mothering is recognizing when to help him adjust and when to inspire him to effect positive change.
 
Someday you might talk to him about the consequences of indifference versus making a difference. Bystanders make that choice every time there’s a situation like the one you witnessed. Indifference isn’t just looking away and choosing to be passive, but actively and deliberately withholding both an act of assistance and a display of compassion. 
 
The “bystander effect” is a social psychological phenomenon wherein people fail to help someone in need or in an emergency situation when others are present. The reason believed for this lack of response is that there’s something about being in larger groups that triggers a “diffusion of responsibility” mindset. Specifically, this means that people tend to take less individual responsibility because there are others around who could just as easily step up if the circumstances warrant it.
 
This response can take the form of callousness (“It’s not my problem”), or confusion (“No one else seemed concerned, so I didn’t want to come across as overreacting”).
 
People say to themselves, “I don’t want to get involved.” But, in reality, they’re already involved by virtue of their presence. Unfortunately, many would rather ignore their own logic and instincts and risk apathy rather than invite censure by the majority or attract attention to themselves.
 
In contrast, a solo bystander will almost always respond to an emergency without any hesitation. Studies also show that if one person takes the initiative to rush to someone’s aid, chances are good that others will join in. Had you been able to reach the woman you saw, I don’t think you would have been alone.
 
Such are the examples you should set and the lessons of personal responsibility and compassion you need to impart to your son as he grows up. These messages will sink in and encourage him to become a decent, caring and honorable adult. 
 
In the words of the Dalai Lama, “If you have a sense of caring for others, you gain inner strength, self-confidence, courage and a greater sense of calm.”